The Knackered Chef

Sunday, February 18th, 2018

Jamie Oliver is finished.

Unfortunately, the U.K’s favourite chef is failing at the one thing that he knows best. Owing successful restaurants.

He is closing down numerous branches of his Italian restaurants, and now, his barbecue franchises: Barbecoa. His debts currently sit at £71.5m.

Jamie became famous in the 1990s for being a cool, young, maverick chef who said words like ‘gnarly’ when describing food that he’d cooked. As well as for riding a scooter and playing the drums in an indie band.

As time went on, he became nosey about what other people and their children were eating, and embarked on a food revolution in an attempt to make Britain healthier. McDonald’s and other household name food sellers lost lots of money when customers walked away.

Then he tried to convince the British public that they could make three course meals in only half an hour. Once people saw through that nonsense, instead of admitting that it wasn’t actually possible, like a real man, he then made another television show making dinners in just 15 minutes!

Whilst doing all of this, Jamie Oliver made millions by selling his cook books, and is the leading seller of cook books in the U.K to date.

Due to being so proficient and fast at cooking, Jamie should be the leading restaurant owner on the planet, but apparently not.

Meanwhile, across the pond, in America, lives another British chef who has embarked upon a one man mission to save the American restaurant industry.

Gordon Ramsay uses a mixture of his loathing of Americans and tough love to turn around the fortunes of clueless restaurateurs all over the USA. Shouting as loud as he can into the faces of chefs, waiting staff and managers in order to encourage them to be less incompetent at their jobs, before refurbishing their establishments, hugging them, revamping their menus and then reopening their restaurants, before going back to shouting in their faces again.

This works wonders for the broken businesses and Gordon walks off into the night, having done his job in bringing the business back into profit.

It’s time to bring Gordon home to save Jamie. There are 160 British jobs at stake, as well as Jamie’s reputation.

I can understand Jamie’s reservations. It takes a big man to swallow enough pride as the best selling TV chef, to let someone your success drove out of the country back in again, to come and shout swear words into your face on camera, because you were so complacent, that you took your customers for granted and now they’ve left you and gone back to McDonald’s.

It will also be a huge job for Ramsay. He doesn’t only have an independent restaurant to help out. Jamie’s franchisees have gone nationwide. That’s a lot of refurbs for Gordon to pay for. Lots of menus to revamp and many hugs to many staff members.

At the end of it all, it’ll be worth it. Maybe they could enlist Nigella to help out. The other two chefs can use her cleavage to shout into, while she supplies sexual innuendo dialogue to summarise what the viewer is watching.


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